Stay-at-home Dad

 

Real work, real joy: Indonesian stay-at-home dads talk stigma and emotional rewards

A growing number of Indonesian fathers are staying home to be with their children.

He is an out and proud stay-at-home dad.

Suwandi shared that

he felt secure in his role as a stay-at-home dad, but

that feeling may not be shared by others like him.

He pointed to them “maybe [being] embarrassed” for not working an office job

,” the Jakarta-based father

 

They have been married for more than eight years.

The self-assurance comes from long-term planning and research.

 

Adi, 35, In an interview with The Jakarta Post on Nov. 10,. “Me? No problem said.

 

Even before tying the knot, he already expressed his willingness to do all of the household chores – except ironing and folding laundry.

 “It’s not because I don’t want to – I’m just bad at doing those two things

Between working from home until 10 p.m. and getting up early in the morning for meetings, running domestic chores was too overwhelming for Suwandi

“At one point, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and I was prescribed pills for my anxiety,”

Xylo – now 7.5 years old – also suffered from anxiety disorders because of the pandemic.

The couple then agreed it would be wise for him to be a full-time, stay-at-home father, ensuring that their son got the proper parental attention he required.

 

It was about putting Xylo’s mental well-being before any financial incentives offered by a job.

 

“I have zero income – all of the money comes from my wife,”

 

his father inspired him, having done the majority of domestic chores at home, in addition to working a full-time job as a civil servant.

 

“My father comes from the boomer generation, yet he has inspired me.

 

He used to work for a mining company that required him to be away from home

– after five years, he decided to make a change.

 

“I came across a job ad that, while not related to my previous job, allowed flexibility in terms of work location,”

 

He applied for the position in 2017 and has felt at ease ever since,

his current work allowed him to be there especially for his eldest kid, Reno, 8, who studies online due to the pandemic.

 

He has been working in customer support since 2018,

 working from home allows him to give more attention to his son,.

it is time to gradually wean my toddler off breastfeeding,

I have time to cook fresh food for him.

This is the privilege that I have in comparison to other office workers

Stigma For those who live in Indonesia, the stay-at-home dad role might raise eyebrows. Stefanus mostly stays at home for almost 24 hours while his wife, Windy Krisanti Kusuma Dewi, 38, a neurologist, goes to work.

 

Stefanus recalls a neighbor asking him how he has kept busy in recent times.

 

“I know what they really meant was: What job do you actually do?

I simply said that I work for an Australian company and it allows me to work remotely.

 

. Stefanus found solace in Windy – who never once raised an issue with the decision.

 

While conceding that he did not make as much in comparison to his days in the mining business, Stefanus said

the most important thing was to be physically and emotionally there for his wife and kids.

“My parents were concerned at first as they did not believe my job could actually generate income.

 

I understand the concern.

Not many people are aware of this kind of work, especially before the pandemic.

 

Separately, Andhika expressed that his parents – who live next door to him and his wife, Anggraeni Huslul Khotimah, 30 – often received questions from their friends about his situation.

 

Questions such as: Why is your son at home? Is he not working?

“Personally, I don’t care what others think,” said Andhika, who lives in Bekasi, West Java.

 

Similarly, Suwandi said he did not mind what others thought about his role as a stay-at-home dad – insisting that

he knew his merit and that being a full-time father was, at the end of the day, a job.

 

 “It’s not like I just wake up in the morning and proceed to focus on pet birds while wearing a sarong, then spend the rest of the day doing nothing.

 

I work hard as well to run the house,” he said.

 

Interestingly, it was Suwandi’s wife, Annisa, who received criticism.

 

“When our son Xylo was three months old, we often put him at a daycare near my office at the time as my wife and I were both working.

 

Since I was the one who picked my son up – they’d ask why my wife was never there,” he said.

 

Annisa expressed that she would receive criticism from people who did not understand why she was the main breadwinner.

 

 She ignored such criticisms and refused to bow down to other people’s standards.

 

“I can’t be any happier. Since my husband resigned, my son never feels lonely.

The house is tidy and I can work calmly because my husband always takes care of preparing the meals,” she said with a smile.

 

Tips Thirty-year-old Dimas Triaji in Cilacap, Central Java who became a stay-at-home father after his laundry business folded and found a remote job, conceded that there were challenges that came with the territory.

“The advantage of working from the office is that, when you work, you can focus 100 percent on the work.

Whereas working from home can be difficult with the distractions – such as when your kids suddenly cry, for example.

Dimas recommended young fathers who work from home have a designated space just for working in order to minimize any distractions.

However, the ultimate key is patience.

“Sometimes your kids want to play with you or with your laptop while working – so you have to be patient,”

“But don’t worry! Sometimes you will also get extra motivation from your kids because they will entertain you with their cuteness.”

 

Stefanus chimed in and recommended a family outing once a week to avoid burnout.

 

“Being in the same space over and over again is not good for your mental health – even if it’s your own house.”

Antonius knows how to transform a kampung into a digital village.

 

As its name implies, Kampoeng Cyber, located in Patehan subdistrict, Yogyakarta, has made technology an integral part of its residents’ working lives, with a high-speed internet connection that pervades business and public spheres.

 

Kampoeng Cyber is within the compound of the Kraton, home to Yogyakarta Governor Sri Sultan Hamengkubuwono X.

Minister N has defended a regulation he recently signed aimed at tackling sexual violence at universities following pushbacks from Islamic groups

 

Education, Culture, Research and Technology Minister Nadiem Makarim has defended a regulation he recently signed aimed at tackling sexual violence at universities following pushback from Islamic groups,

 

The groups have called for the revocation of the regulation over concerns that it could imply legalization of extramarital sex.

Speaking in a webinar on Friday, Nadiem explained that the regulation was issued only to tackle and prevent cases of sexual violence in the country’s higher education institution and

rejected the critics’ interpretation that it legalized consensual extramarital sex.

“The ministry does not support any acts that are not aligned with religious and moral norms.

The regulation was designed to tackle a specific type of violence, which is sexual violence, with clear definitions.